Living Without Fear

Hi, everybody!

How’s everyone’s day going? It’s kind of late (or early) here, but I thought I would share something God and I have been talking about a lot tonight.

One of the many things I’ve struggled with in life is fear. Fear of everything. Fear of being too much, fear of death, fear of fear itself, even. But God’s been calling me out on this in the kindest and most caring way I could ever need or imagine.

I was working on a puzzle and I’ve been working on it for a few months now. There’s lettering and a sky that I’m really struggling with and so I kept putting it off.

Well, tonight I was going to play Minecraft for a little bit and try (and probably avoid) actually making another video for my channel. I’m a huge procrastinator for many reasons along with me just avoiding anything that makes me slightly uncomfortable. Trust me, I enjoy making the videos, I’m just insecure about my ability to present said videos and actually do well at making those videos.

Anyways, I peeked at the puzzle after I put my water down by my computer and what do you know? I’m sitting down and working on that puzzle. The same pink and purple sky staring at me while the letters in purple are all jumbled across the top of the completed part of the bottom half of the puzzle. I tell myself, “I’ll just work for a little bit than play Minecraft.”

Two hours later at almost 3 in the morning…

There I was. Still just working a little bit on the puzzle. God and I were talking about a lot. The main topic was fear. I always have a habit of letting my fears over talk what I want to do and eventually, I give up and say I’ll try again tomorrow. Sound familiar? In our talk, God gave me the comparison of a prisoner in a cell and I realized that’s me. I keep in the space I’ve always known because I’m comfortable there. I’m not going to take a step outside my cell even after God broke through the entire prison to rescue me. But here I am, stubbornly sitting in my cell and asking God to save me from now at this point, myself. But God continued to talk and show me about how my comfort of living in this cell wasn’t because I liked living in the cell. It’s because it’s known. It’s not necessarily safe, but I know the four corners and the bars that no longer separate me from my freedom anymore. But I hesitate. And I doubt. And I pull back. I balk. I turn back to what I’ve always known- not because I like it, but because there’s no surprises and I don’t have to guess about what’s in this small cell.

Unbeknownst to me, God knows that outside that cell, down the hallways through the prison, and through a door, there’s a whole world outside that He wants to show me. But He has to help me let go. He is ever so patient and gentle. He loves me so much and He wants me to live a full life, but He wants me to trust Him.

But I, I think all there is to life is what I see around me. I’m sure this cell and prison reference is familiar to someone, but I know God can use anyone or anything to accomplish His purpose.

And sometimes, He has to use my circumstances to push me into a new world so I don’t live trapped by my own fear anymore.

And that’s what I’ve been doing. I’ve been letting my fear and my self-doubt prevent me from doing something that could be God’s answered prayer in my life. It could be a new opportunity and I’m too scared to open that door.

So what does God do? He offers His hand and He promises me a future that only He can guide me to. Through the darkness and the unknown and through the very heart of what I fear, just so He can free me from myself.