Seeking identity in a world seeking to define it for us
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.” Ephesians 2:10 ESV
Hi, everyone!
I hope you guys are having a great day filled with snow and everything Christmas since we’re one week away! (Side note: this might be published after the new year so…Merry early Christmas 2023!!!)
Okay, so to the title we go!
Lately, I’ve been figuring some stuff out personally. What does this mean for you guys? It means that I’m trying to figure out who I am and how to be myself, both in real life and online, when the entire world is trying to tell me who I should be instead of who God created me to be. God and I have had lots of talks about so many different topics, but this has been a theme for a few months now and I thought, why not today?
Earlier today, after church, I had found myself scrolling through LinkedIn and Indeed- on a Sunday. My brain decided that my bachelor’s degree in Art History wasn’t enough and that to be truly appreciated, I need to add master’s to it.
Yeah, no, if any one of you had seen me last year as I finished up my last semester of college (like my mom and family- I’m SO SORRY I was a crazy person during my last semester!) then you would know that going back to college is not advisable right now for me. Plus there’s my bank account and… yeah, no. College is not advisable right now.
One of the biggest reasons why it’s not advisable for me is that I currently am enrolled in a writer’s program that I’ve been wanting to be a part of for years and I know God wants me in it. Getting a master’s degree, while something I might get later, is not something I want right now. Like, I enjoy learning, but the thought of going back makes me feel trapped and like I’d been missing something important in my life right now, even if I did it online.
So this is where you guys might be asking, why was I scrolling and searching for online master’s programs for myself when I have no deep desire to go back right now?
A few reasons came up when I was thinking about it afterwards while making up some food. My identity for almost six years was that of “online student” or “college student”. This past year has stripped me of so many of my titles including these ones. So then this begs to be asked: why did I find my identity in school so much?
The first thought, although it pains me, is to say I appreciated that I felt important. I felt responsible. I felt like I was doing something right in my life. When I told people my degree was in Art History and Visual Culture, people would always say something along the lines of how unique my major was and it felt great that I, a sometimes forgotten-feeling middle child, would be someone unique and special.
Now don’t get me wrong. I loved my major and still love it! I loved so much about it- except the final papers. Yeah, the pressure of creating an amazing final research paper is what phased and froze me so I would just pray that it was at least good enough for an “A”. Yeah, you read that right. Anything less than an “A” and this girl’s anxiety would kick in and she would assume she was a grade away from not getting her degree. Another example of identity: the perfect student.
Which I was absolutely not.
But how does all this fit into our identity? We let outside forces define our identity for us.
My grades- defined me.
My major- defined me.
My professors’ opinions- defined me.
My parents’ thoughts and opinions, while with good intentions- defined me.
So then, who was I, or who am I now?
The answer that comes about is that I am a child of God. God created us in His image and knows everything about us, even more than we know ourselves. He doesn’t force us to become someone we’re not, like the world does and continues to try to do. Instead, God invites us to get to know Him so we can get to know ourselves better. It might sound counterintuitive, but God wants us to be who He created us to be in Christ. God doesn’t want us to live a slave to the world’s expectations of us because we can never be satisfied in anything other than in God Himself.
One of my most recent WIPs is a romance suspense and both of the main characters are going through their own struggles with their identity and who they are in Christ. They’re efforts to be seen by the world as successful or valued or anything else is a constant battle that we all fight within both fiction and real life.
Your value is not defined by the world- it’s defined by who God created you to be in Christ. While it’s not easy to fight the torrent of perceptions that try to control and define us, God is always there to help us and bring us back to Himself so we can become the person He created us to be! :)
Thanks for reading!
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